How To Annoy Your New Neighbours
Isn’t it everyone’s mission in life to be the most irritating, obnoxious and unhinged neighbour on the street? Uh, yeah!
Start to aggravate them by making your first encounter terribly awkward. Walk over wearing socks and thongs, not showering for at least 2 days prior and eating an abundance of garlic enriched food (bad breathe is a must). Then ensure that the conversation is extremely nosy, ask them the usual questions, what do you do, how many people live in the home etc; and then progress to ask about how much they earn, their relationship status, their religion, their political stance and continue to freak them out by asking their opinion on the existence of aliens.
When relating back with your neighbours, overshare, tell them about your toe fungus, your last break up, your odd habit to collect nail clippings and don’t forget your dog Fifi who has a flatulence issue.
Once you’ve set the foundation, it is time to step it up a notch. Start by parking on their property and blocking them in from heading to work, pop over at dinner time, comment how amazing the meal smells and serve yourself some food.
Leave large junk items on the front lawn and the night before bin collection day; sneak your rubbish into theirs so they have no space to dispose of their own.
The ultimate maddening neighbour is achieved by throwing a massive party. Loud music, loud friends and no curfew. Then if your neighbour pops by to see what the fuss is about, tell them that you only invite ‘cool’ people to your parties and then close the door in their face.
Pause for a moment and think, why? Why would you want to be this person?
Hopefully, if you are moving into your first home, your goal is to not annoy your neighbours.
Follow these few steps:
1. Introduce yourself and acknowledge them with a smile or wave when you cross paths.
2. Be respectful and keep your noise to a minimum. If a party is on the cards, tell them beforehand.
3. Offer to do favours for each other, like lend them a cup of kale or collect their mail when on holidays.
4. Make your moments with them memorable, with a joke, a gift or a simple smile.
We hope your new neighbourhood is the dream you’ve been hoping for.